Oh Kay

Crackheads are sexy?

2005-04-11T12:10:00.000-05:00

KATE Moss' crackhead rocker fianc‚, Pete Doherty, is a one-minute wonder in bed with a less-than-impressive endowment, his ex-girlfriend says. Doherty's French ex, Carole Desbois, 27, tells London's News of the World that Doherty, 26, whom she dated in the summer of 2001, "never kept going sexually for more than a few minutes at a time. The drugs definitely affected his sex drive. He often went limp during sex because of the drugs." She also sniffs, "He's pretty inexperienced" in the sack. Before she consented to sex, Desbois said she had to scrub down the filthy rocker, who stank to high heaven. "It was like standing next to a pile of manure," Desbois says. "The grimy odor would have put me off having sex. I did everything for him that night from washing his hair to clipping his fingernails because they had so much dirt underneath." And this was before Doherty started shooting up. "He was only smoking cannabis, taking speed [or] acid," she notes. "He hadn't moved on to hard drugs. He didn't have the money."

From Page Six.

Kate Moss once had Johnny Depp all to herself. What is she thinking?

Getting even better now.

2005-01-10T13:52:00.000-05:00

Eran called Saturday morning and we made plans for that evening. Tonight was the first opportunity to really talk to him without competing with the bar noise. I was pleasantly surprised to find that he was actually very interesting and had a lot to say. He's actually smarter than I thought. Intelligence goes a long way in my mind. As the night went on, he got even better looking to me. We talked for a long time and kissed for a long time as well. He stayed over, but nothing has happened... yet.

It was a great night. Not only did I get a lot of encouraging signs from him- (ie. he went out of his way to tell me that his brother was married to a Catholic girl) but I think I became much more into him after actually getting to know him a little. It makes me feel better to know that my attraction is based on something more than how good looking he is.

Proceeding with Caution

2005-01-07T13:17:00.000-05:00

I guess I jumped the gun writing off Eran that fast. Out of nowhere he calls Wednesday to see what I'm doing the next night. I had plans to meet an old friend for drinks but told him that if I got out of there early enough, I'd let him know and we could meet up.

I found my self bored by my Thursday date pretty fast and was hoping it wasn't getting too late to meet up with Eran. So when Dan went to the bathroom, I quickly text messaged him to see if he was out. He was at a place in Midtown with a friend. I told him I would be there in 20 minutes. Arriving at Local, Eran was there and looking very good. I could tell he had been sick because he still looked paler than usual and his voice was raspy. Weird, but that made me feel better.

I found myself having fun despite my overwhelming feeling that he had already exhibited a red flas. It's never a good start when you don't see or hear from someone for 3 weeks after your first date. At about 2, I told him I had to get going home because I had to work the next day. He said he was going to head home to, and that he'd walk me to a cab. We wound up walking about 10 blocks because we were still talking. I kissed him for a bit and remembered what I liked about kissing him before. I can kiss him all night and not even realize how much time is passing. I have never kissed anyone without thinking of something else. Even if my thought is just, "Oh no, he's touching the fat part of my back." or "He's doing this right or wrong". When I kiss Eran, I think of nothing. I don't even realize I'm thinking nothing until later. He asked if we could go out Saturday night and I told him yes.

Easy Come, Easy Go

2005-01-02T13:15:00.000-05:00

New Years Day, a bunch of my friends were going out despite a nagging hangover and lack of sleep the night before. I knew Eran was sick, but I thought I'd let him know where we were going in case he felt like getting out of the house for a while. He responded with a text message.

"Hi, Happy New Year. Still sick, have fun tonite. talk to you soon."

I took it as a blow off message. So did my friends. So I let it go. I haven't wasted too much time with him, so it was easy.

Or Maybe Not...

2004-12-28T16:16:00.000-05:00

Eran just left me a voice mail message. I'll call him back later tonight and see what’s what. I'm cautiously optimistic about him. He says he was sick. Hmmm...

Moving on...

2004-12-28T13:30:00.000-05:00

I had a very nice Christmas and I hope everyone (all 4 or 5 of you) reading this did as well. I wanted to let you know I really appreciate your comments... it's nice to have confirmation that people are really reading this stuff! So thank you!

OK, so for some reason I have not heard from Eran. I just do not understand guys. But whatever... I can't dwell on this. So on to the next. Sadly, I have not identified the next one yet, so I have nothing to tell you. However, I have a sneaking suspicion that this coming weekend will yield some very fun stories... so stay tuned!

And the Paranoia Takes Over....

2004-12-21T13:04:00.000-05:00

So Eran wrote me a text message Saturday saying that he wasn't feeling good, but that he would call me Sunday. Sunday and now Monday have come and gone and I haven't heard from him. My friend Ellie pointed out to me that it would hardly be possible for him to have lost interest in me. I haven't actually spoken to him since his message and the communication was last initiated by him.

This is what I do with my spare time, I guess. I nit pick every little movement until I am totally convinced that the guy doesn't like me and then by the time he calls, I think I'm fat, ugly and boring.

Now, on the other hand, if the guy calls right on time and pays too much attention to me, I think there is something wrong with them. For example, John the Port Master. He paid way to much attention to me and in my book, he qualifies as a stalker. My mom says I don't want to be a member of any club that would have me as a member. I don't know if that’s true, but I definitely only want to belong to the best clubs!

I guess I'm fickle and I'm not sure that there is a cure for it, but I'm hopeful that when the right guy comes along, I will be able to relax and go with the flow.

Update on John the Port Master

2004-12-21T11:57:00.000-05:00

I just wanted to give a quick update on the Port Master. After my last painful outing with him, I stopped taking his phone calls. He called about 6 times with no response. Then I started getting emails. Here you go... read them and weep...

"Kay, it appears you are not going to return my calls. I will now say goodbye and good luck with your future romances. -John"

"Hi Kay."

"Happy Thanksgiving."

You get the idea? They still haven't stopped. They come about once every three or four days. I feel really bad, but am I supposed to call this wacko back? I'm thinking of blocking his email address, but I guess I'd feel really bad if they bounced back at him. I've never had anyone act like this before!

Yo Shalom

2004-12-20T15:44:00.000-05:00

Last weekend I met a beautiful Israeli guy named Eran. He grew up in Queens and works in Interior Design. Anyway, I was hanging out in my favorite bar with a few friends and he and I got to talking. He has a very thick accent and wears WAY too much cologne but there was something about him that I really liked.

We talked for a few hours and I found that he had a great sense of humor. We talked for so long and the time seemed to fly. When I was ready to go, I gave him my number and said goodbye.

He called Monday afternoon to see if I was free Saturday night. Since he was considerate enough to ask ahead of time, I agreed to dinner and drinks.

We met at Nobu, a sushi place downtown (thank God he doesn't keep Kosher!) I love that place, and he was so easy to talk to. I had a great time at dinner. After that we went to a bar in the West Village for a few drinks and a little kissy kissy. Turns out he is a very good kisser! I could have kissed him all night and I am very anxious to see what else he's good at!

I'm back... I hope you are still here!

2004-12-20T15:40:00.000-05:00

So things went pretty well with Walter for a few months. Then he decided that he had to be dating the girl he was going to marry... right now.

I was dumbfounded by this information. Not only am I not interested in getting married, but I'd only known him for a few months. Who thinks like that? I certainly didn't see it coming.

So that’s done. I started dating a gorgeous Israeli named Eran.

More on him in the post.

Here's to four more years...

2004-11-03T16:01:00.000-05:00

Slightly off topic, but I just have to say a huge congratulation for George W. Bush. The best man has certainly won this time.

I also have to tip my hat to John Kerry for not dragging this out and conceding when he did.

Hail to the chief...

Howl-o-ween

2004-11-01T15:02:00.000-05:00

My friends and I made plans to go see the New York City Halloween Parade this year and I was really excited because I had never been. Walter called Saturday afternoon to see what I had planned for the next evening and I told him that I did have plans but asked if he wanted to come and meet us. Now, I realized this was an important move because it meant him meeting the friends, but he agreed and now I just had to hope that my friends were on their best behavior.

The parade was fun, but we couldn't see very well, so about an hour after it started, we left. We headed to an outdoor Asian place and that’s when Walter cam to meet us. He was great with my friends. They seemed to really like him and I was glad he was good at socializing with people he doesn’t know.

After dinner Walter and I took my dog back to his house and had some wine and talked for a while. A couple hours later, I went home.

Whatever you say...

2004-10-31T13:54:00.000-05:00

Saturday night I went out with Jason, the tall handsome lawyer from the Bush fundraiser. We met at an Italian place in Tribeca called Ecco. Right away I had a funny feeling about the evening. The place was very small and he was already sitting in a booth with the plates both set up on the same side of the table.

He began by asking me if this was OK with me. Did I want a table or a booth? Did I want to sit more near the front? The waiter comes and brings water and Jason asks if that is OK or did I want sparkling water. Oh My God! I don't freaking care!

The conversation turned into a recap of the last date. He seemed so attentive before, I was surprised that he could barely remember where I went to school or where I grew up- which was the same place as him. All the sudden, I no longer found him handsome, nice or anyone I wanted to be around. He seemed so annoying to me. Then I realized he was holding his fork and knife like a gorilla. I couldn't believe that someone with a successful law practice and who was 36 years old didn't know how to hold a fork. Now I can't stand him at all.

The waiter brought the check and set it down next to Jason who didn't seem to notice that it was there. He kept talking to me about the same things over and over again, practically repeating everything I said. The restaurant was closing and the waiter kept coming to the table and checking to see if the bill had been paid yet. Finally Jason smiled at me and said, "I think I'm driving the waiter crazy- he wants to go home." But yet, he made no move to pay the bill. Finally he pulled out a credit card and gave it to the waiter. Now the credit card slip was sitting in front of him and he WOULDN”T sign it. The waiter was looking all perturbed and kept coming and checking. Jason was smiling saying he liked to make people sweat it. WTF?? After we finally left the restaurant, he wanted to go elsewhere and get a drink. I told him how tired I was and he let me off the hook, thank God.

I don’t think I have ever met a more aggravating person in my life.

Always go with your instincts.

2004-10-30T12:34:00.000-05:00

Lindsey talked me into going out with John, the Port master, again. She said he was really sweet and must have just been really nervous on our first date, so I agreed. Boy do I wish that I had listened to my gut instincts that told me to NEVER EVER see him again.

Here is an example of his stiff personality in the form of an email:

"Hello Kay,How are you? I am doing well.Did you receive my message suggesting drinks and dessert at French Roast later on Friday, like around 10pm...? :-)Talk to you soon,John"

So oh my God, I didn't want to go, but I did. How bad could a date be that is not only blocks from my house, but starting on the late side anyway?

So we sit down and he starts telling me how good certain things are here. I told him that I lived 2 blocks away and came here all the time but he didn't seem to hear me. He told me which deserts he had tried and which were good. They were mostly chocolate deserts which I do not eat. The only one he had tried that wasn't chocolate was the cheesecake, so he says, well that just leaves the cheesecake then, I'll order for you. I know this story is a little confusing, but I'll wrap it up quick. There were plenty of deserts on the menu that were not chocolate- just not ones he had tried. I told him thanks, but I wanted the poached pears, and he warned me that I could have whatever I wanted, but he couldn't guarantee the quality. WTF?

The whole night was forced conversation, more stories about what he does for a living, blah blah. He seems to have no interest in anything I have to say or talk about anything that is interesting to me. Around 11:30, I said I was exhausted and was going to head home. He insisted on walking me there and when we got to my building, he went in for the good night kiss. Just like before, I went to duck the lip kiss and he kind of followed my face around. This time however, he grabbed the back of my head and tried for some tongue action. I pulled away, said goodnight and went upstairs and showered.

I mean it this time... no more dates for you!

Yeah, he called.

2004-10-29T12:32:00.000-05:00

I have been in password recovery hell for over a week- so now I have a ton of catch up to do.

Right after I last posted, Walter called me and wanted to go out again. He invited me over to his house for dinner and drinks and since I was really curious to see where he lived, I agreed. So Thursday night I went over at about 8:30 and was amazed to see this apartment. It was small but really nice. It had exposed beams in the ceiling, exposed brick, a nice kitchen and good furniture.

I found out, however, that I was wrong about him not being a political person. It turns out that he is so liberal, he borders on Communist. It was a little disappointing. He gave me his arguments, and I have to admit, they were not the usual mindless liberal rhetoric. He had some well thought out points. I disagree with every single one of them, but they were at least original.

Other than that, we spent the night telling each other stories, drinking and making out. I like kissing him, which is VERY important to me.

I take thee, Grabby Hands...

2004-10-26T09:19:00.000-05:00

The dreaded wedding has finally come and gone. This was the wedding where I am the only single bridesmaid, the only one without a date to bring, the one who everyone looks at and thinks, “that poor girl”. These are all Midwestern people, who don’t understand the mindset of a 27 year old New Yorker who isn’t married and not really looking for marriage anytime soon. The bride was a good friend from college and although her fiancé is defiantly a closeted gay, they made a cute couple and had put together a beautiful wedding in the Henry Ford mansion in Detroit. Alison, the blushing bride, decided that I was not up to the task of providing my own date and was kind enough to set me up with a friend of her fiancé Ryan. For the amusement of the few people reading this, I agreed. Dan was a computer something or another from Cincinnati and he turned out to be pretty cute. He agreed that the only reason we were set up in the first place was to keep the couples more comfortable. The only other single males there were Alison’s 15 year old cousins Eli and Josh.

Truthfully, I would have preferred to hang out with Eli and Josh. I have decided to rename Dan “grabby hands” because this guy could not keep his paws to himself. He wanted to dance all night long and dance in a way that was not appropriate for Alison’s grandmother to see. Every time I excused myself to go and mingle with some of the other people there, he gave me about 10 minutes and was right there trying to drag me out to the dance floor again. I finally had to tell him that I was really tired and my feet hurt from the bridesmaid’s shoes. Alison’s uncle came up to me and asked me to dance and I jumped at the chance, not only because he’s adorable (her whole family is 5-4 or less) but because it provided me a chance to dance with a gentleman and not be embarrassed (except for the 5 inches I tower over him) on the dance floor. Michael (her uncle) and I were dancing to a great song that the Motown band was cranking out when Dan can busting up and grabbing me away. Finally at around midnight, I explained that I turn into a pumpkin and left with a friend and her husband.

In the Other Room

2004-10-19T09:18:00.000-05:00

Monday night I went out with Walter ( I think that is the sexiest name a man can have- just FYI). We met at an early Halloween pumpkin carving party. He is blond, which is a little out of my character, but so cute. If any of you have seen the show Entourage on HBO, he looks like a blond haired Eric. His hair had a little bit of a curl to it, he had great lips, a very cute button nose and the best sense of humor. His humor was a little dry and sarcastic and I get the feeling, not everyone was a fan, but I thought he was a riot. He’s not political at all, which is fine with me, that’s not as good as being a Republican, but a million times better than being a Democrat.

We met at a bar in the West Village called The Other Room. It was a cute little place with booths that took up the entire room and entirely lit by candles. I was very impressed with his choice of venues. We sat in the very back and I ordered a glass of wine and he had a beer that I had never heard of. When I said that I was unfamiliar with it, he handed the glass to me to take a sip. If you know me at all, you know that I have a huge phobia of germs in drinking glasses. The same men I make out with, I can’t share a glass with. While I was engaged and living with my fiancé for two years, we never shared a glass once and it bugged the shit out of him. So when Walter handed me the glass, it surprised me that I didn’t hesitate to take a sip. The beer was really good too.

So after we had 3 or 4 drinks each, we had talked for almost 5 hours. Something else that caught my attention about Walter was that we hadn’t covered the usual first date getting to know you questions. I mean, I know what he does (real estate development) I know he has a sister who lives in Brooklyn (she is getting married next weekend) and I know that he went to school in DC (American University), but I didn’t feel like the whole night was about chit chat. We told stories about things that have happened to us, talked about a gross program on Dateline about perverts on the internet, talked about my friend’s gay fiancé, I told him stories about my best friends and he did the same. By the end of the night, he could name most of my closest friends, and me his. It was a bazaar first date in that it really didn’t feel like one.

So now the game begins. I want him to call so bad. We went out Monday, I had to leave town Wednesday for my friend’s wedding and he had his sisters wedding. I know he had a good time because there was a little kissing action going on at the end of the night, but its Sunday and I haven’t heard from him yet. Why do all the freaks call me over and over again, and the good ones seem to run away?

I like you and hate you. I agree...

2004-10-15T09:17:00.000-05:00

Thursday night I went out with Jason, a lawyer I met at a political fund raiser. He was smart, funny, tall, handsome and rich. We met at Morgan’s Bar in the Morgan Hotel. We had all the things my friend Laurie says makes a great date: darkness, alcohol and I provided the third, cleavage. We got some wine and sat at a booth and started talking. He was really sweet. He grew up in New York and besides living in Long Island for a year, has never left the city. I admire that kind of loyalty to a city like New York. While it’s not for everyone, if you can handle it, it says something special about you.

At first, I was amazed at how much we had in common. He agreed with my political views, which I mostly knew because I had met him at a Bush party. But then I notices that he pretty much agreed with everything I had to say. Being the skeptic that I am, my first thought was that he was being agreeable to make me like him. However, it’s entirely possible that we just have a lot in common.

My fear here is that I will start something with him and then find out that he wasn’t being himself. I can’t see myself investing a lot of time on this because I think I’m dating his “best foot forward” persona. I am going out with him again on Wednesday. I am going to keep a very close eye on the percentage of things that he agrees with. If I find that it’s near 100, I think I’ll start making outrageous claims like I love to pick my scabs and save them in a box and see how he reacts.

You don't understand... it was not a good date.

2004-10-12T15:59:00.000-05:00

Oh boy, he actually called me. John the port master called me. I guess he didn’t realize that it was a BAD DATE. He called last night and I didn’t recognize the name on the caller ID so I picked it up. I must learn not to let my curiosity get the better of me- that’s what I have voice mail for.

Let me preface by telling you all about my fatal flaw. I can not break up with people. My tactics usually range from not returning phone calls to acting like the worlds biggest bitch and withholding sex until I am broken up with. So anyway, I picked up the phone and had what may have been the most uncomfortable conversation of my life. He wanted me to go to Philadelphia next Saturday for the whole day and I panicked. Why instead of telling him I wasn’t interested did I make excuses as to why I had to stay in the city? I have no intention of ever seeing him again.

He's just not that into me...

2004-10-11T15:36:00.000-05:00

Sunday night I went out with James, a musician who is a stock broker during the day. I was excited because he was really cute, plus I like the idea of being artistic and business savvy at the same time. So we met in Union Square at 8pm and went to a restaurant called Coffee Shop. We chatted, drank beer and ate chicken sandwiches.

I am having trouble telling a good story here because this was actually a good date. At least I thought so. After we finished eating he says that he’s sorry, but he’s so tired and had an early doctor’s appointment in the morning and has to call it a night.

I immediately flash back to Miranda Hobbes in Sex and the City learning the Holy Grail from Jack Berger- “He’s just not that into you.” I have been trying all day to rationalize what he said. Why can I not understand that “he’s just not that into me?”

But, he could have been tired, he’d been sick so he could have had a doctor’s appointment, these things are possible. More likely than not, “he’s just not that into me.”

Decant the port? You must me mad...

2004-10-09T16:38:00.000-05:00

I let my friend Lindsey set me up with a guy who works at her law firm. I figured, how bad could he be? Lindsey’s cool, he’s got a good job, why not?

I was relieved when John suggested that we meet for coffee on a Saturday afternoon. He seemed a little stiff on the phone, but I decided to ignore it because I don’t always think that I make the best impression on the phone. Coffee was good, there was no reason for either of us to commit to dinner at this point. We were supposed to meet at a little coffee house on the upper west side that was only three blocks from my place. Well, he calls at about 2 that afternoon and asks if we can meet in midtown someplace because he had to go into work and did I mind coming down? No, I guess I didn’t, so he says there is a Starbucks at 41st and Madison.

So we meet at 4 at the Starbucks and each get a drink. Me, a latte, him a hot chocolate (?). There were no tables in the Starbucks so he suggests that there is a park a few blocks away. So we start walking and he sees a wine store and wants to go in to get a bottle, just in case he gets out of his office early. While he’s browsing the port collection I’m trying to make small talk. I’m trying to tell him about my recent trip to Portugal where I had drank a lot of port, but he seemed to be much more interested in shopping for his evening fun. He finally decides on a bottle and goes to the register to pay for it. The clerk tells him to decant the port after he opens it because there is going to be sediment at the bottom of the bottle. John made a funny face and laughed pompously.

We continued walking with our drinks and decided to sit on the steps of the New York Public Library. He made a comment about it being the opening scene from Ghostbusters which redeemed him to a certain point in my eyes being that Ghostbusters is one of my all time favorite movies. We sit down and he starts asking me about what I do for a living and how I got into it. I’m in the middle of a sentence and he starts ranting about single vineyard ports and how there could never be sediment in a single vineyard port. He keeps saying all this like I have any idea what he talking about. He then starts in about the fact that the port is only 9 years old and is talking like nobody in the whole world could make the mistake of a 9 year old port from a single vineyard having sediment. I was really freaked out by his outburst. He pulled out his bottle and was pointing at the label, which was written in Portuguese, to prove to me that it was from a single vineyard. I actually don’t’ know anyone who knows anything about port, but if that’s his hobby, cool. What was bothering me was that I couldn’t figure out if he was putting on this act so that I think he was sophisticated or if this is how he always acted, in which case he had to be the most boring and pretentious person I have ever met.

Thankfully, a street performance group started some really loud music, which seemed to piss John off. He said he needed to start getting back to work. So we walked back towards his office and Grand Central, where I was headed. At the point where we were to split up, I said it was nice to meet him and that I hoped he got out of work early enough to drink his port. Then, to my horror, when I went to air kiss his cheek, he turned suddenly and kissed me square on the lips. I was so stunned, I just kind of mumbled something totally incomprehensible and walked away.

Ummm, so no second date for John.

Check Please...

2004-10-06T14:08:00.000-05:00

Last week I met Josh at a cocktail party hosted by my friend Ashley. He was charming, handsome and an above average dresser. Normally I would never agree to diner for a first date, but this guy was so good looking, I threw the rules out the window and decided to meet him at Neo, a sushi place on the Upper West Side.

When we started looking at the menu, Josh announces that he doesn’t eat fish. Hmmm, I had to wonder why he would suggest a sushi place but I kept my mouth shut. He ordered some vegetable tempura things while I got eel, toro, salmon and tuna. Anyway, to keep the conversation going, I started asking him where he had traveled. It turns out the only place he’s ever been is India. So my food comes and Josh is still talking about India and how bad it smells. I’m trying to eat raw fish and this guy is describing- in detail- how bad India smelled. I have met people with poor social skills, but come on. I’m making faces and hardly eating, he’s going on and on about rotten egg smells and raw sewage. This guy was freaking me out.

So I tried to change the subject and start asking him all the usual getting-to-know-you questions. So, where did you grow up (Montana)… where did you go to school (Some High School)… no I mean college (I didn’t)… what do you do now (I’m unemployed)… where are you living (Jersey City)… oh dear….

Check Please!